Hello Cupcake!!’s Neighborhood

I am grateful for all of those who have added joy to my life over the past year. Support, unconditional love, encouragement, compassion and true kindness have been shown from people who know me and understand me..nothing is better than that. (except the schnauzers, who truly are my best friends)

This year I plan to focus on my art and make it more of a priority. I also plan to do a little more writing. Thank you Lucy for your comments/edits on that last poem I posted and your encouragement of my publishing it. You are and have been such a steady supporter of my art, which is humbling considering the fact that you are a genius of words.

Today I'm going to let the sun wrap her arms around me - she's been hidden for days and has finally emerged. I plan to be outside.

A quote for the new year:

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink the wild air..." - Emerson

Not going to list every single event that has occurred over the past year because many of the events are already on my blog. Overall it's been a good year. I've learned some lessons, that is for sure.

So, randomly noted:

Tay is away this week and it's been lovely

Appetite has increased for the most part - which means getting some curves back.

Have done a bit of new photography. Self portraits but on the sensual/erotic side... therefore I can't post them (or rather,, I'm not willing to).  Maybe there are a couple that are post-able...I'll have to look through them. The experience of doing them has been very liberating. It's about merging the sacred and sexual 'temple' (body) without shame involved.

Don't want to take down Christmas decor

Trading books with dad - must mail today. He's sending me the bio of Mark Twain and I'm sending him Lincoln's Melancholy and another one . Yes we're geeks.

Must get the damn pics selected for the photo contest for the Adirondack Review. (they were actually the first to publish me long ago)

My libido is in overdrive.

:-)

Ring J'Aime et J'Espere

About 10 years ago, my father sent me this ring. The inscription is in French, reading: "I love and I hope". It's a ring that Thomas Jefferson apparently had sent to his daughter while they were separated.

I unfortunately lost the ring over time. He is sending me a new one - (now that I can actually put my jewelry in a safe place.) I'm touched by this and rather excited to receive it.

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OK...now 

As many of you know, I have Bipolar I . And as many of you also know, my ex walked out earlier this month. Much of our problems stemmed from my having this disorder (*note, I was not diagnosed with BPD until sometime in October.) Prior to this I had been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. After discussions of potentially getting pregnant, I began tapering off of my anti-depressant medication slowly. At first, I was doing well with the decreased dosage but eventually I began to experience periods of withdraw that were indicitative of the depression returning. This was when I went back to the Dr. and was prescribed several medications to decrease depressive episodes and treat mood lability. Over some time now, this has proven to help greatly.

During and after the relationship I thought about how my partner reacted to my illness. He hadn't experienced this before and so naturally he was scared of what all it would entail. However, I took every proactive step possible to get well and was not supported. A lot of blame was placed on me.

I know that some of you also suffer from depression, BPD and post traumatic stress disorder and I wanted to post some Do's/Don'ts that I found through research and feel would be helpful for someone whose partner suffers from any of these disorders. It's not an article but a simple list which I felt most certainly belonged here with the 'requirements'.

and of course snippets of 'Carbon' must make her way in here. This was written by Tori Amos for her best friend (Beenie) who suffers from this illness as well:

"time to race" she said "race the downhill"
behind crystalline irises
loons can dive
where the world bleeds white

just keep your eyes on her
keep
don't look away
keep your eyes on her horizon

 
shreds and ribbons of Lithium
blow by blow
her mind cut in sheets
layers deep now unravelling

just keep your eyes on her

carbon made only wants to "be unmade"
blade to ice

it's
double diamond time
and keep your eyes on her
on her eyes on her horizon

Yea, I know Christmas is over but this was too awesome not to mention!! Someone put up instructions on how to make your very own Puzzle Bobble Stockings!

Puzzle-Bobble-Christmas-Stockings

I made us some Disney stockings but I might have to bust out with these next year!! Enjoy!!

Me & Sarah meeting up. It was lovely! I felt like I've known her for years. Must take them up on the visit offer.

And then

Jackbwstripes1

1 comment

there's Jack.

and a couple of pics from a walk

Red

and lastly:

Untouchable_fruit

1 comment

i made two new little dresses for the Petits during christmas holidays,
available in the shop.

I could reuse the green fabric again. Now, there is only a little scratch of it left.
I am happy i could use it for some good projects, but i am also glad i don´t have much more left. Unfortunately i have to say,it was a difficult colour and fabric to use.

*petit macaron (mint green)

26.12.09 029 Kopie

The second dress looks so much like Christmas, although this wasn´t my intention at all.
there are actually lots of little cute goldfishes printed on the fabric, but all the gold and green and
red colours make it look like a little christmas tree. i will store this fabric until next year Christmas season i guess ^_^

26.12.09 003 Kopie

is she a disease? doctor is she awful?

is she to blame for the disorder that pesters her so? i ask again - is she to blame?

she drops bitter pills, one by one, onto her tongue each evening before bed

five in a row with tapwater

though she abhors them, she knows they're her buoy when she's sinks

and so completes the nightly ritual

i know her.

she is made of daisies, of liquid swirling skies of sunsets

of insatiable passion flowing through her mazes

with royal orchids bleeding

her eyes emerald

her soul beautiful  

happy holidays to my lovely neighbors and may I present to you:

Holiday Randoms:

--It's been a good one so far - except for some of the family getting sick and us having to dodge each other so as not to pass it around.

--My brother and his wife stayed with me for a couple of nights. He's seven years younger than me and still I think he's more balanced, conscious and respectful than so many men my age. (and he must have told me he loved me five times before leaving.) :)

--My girl (well,woman I suppose now that17 is rapidly approaching) is and always has been so amazingly thoughtful and thankful on Christmas morning. She never was one of those kids who just rip through everything in 30 seconds. She always gives me a gift from her first. Then she opens one at a time, spending time looking at everything carefully and thanking me after every single thing. I adore this soul.

--Tomorrow Sarah and I are finally meeting and hanging out. Excited!

--Making a Red Velvet cake today. Inner Child: "Kind of secretly wanted to make it in the shape of Jesus. Then when we cut it...well, you get the idea.  I don't think Jesus would have a problem with it because I'm positive that he has a wicked sense of humor. He has to. Look at us. Plus he loves me."

--Whenever something drops or an unexpected noise is made, my head hears a tune to the sound of it. This is bizarre I know.

--Baby and Mary played the parts of, well, the virgin Mary and the Baby in the Nativity scene.